FEMA Trailers To Be Used As 'Tornado Bait'

(New Orleans, LA) The Federal Emergency Management Agency has announced a bold new plan to actually help avert natural disasters rather than simply respond to them after they have occurred.

Thousands of trailers meant to house New Orleans evacuees never made it to their destination, but they will not go to waste: they will be deployed throughout the midwest and south to divert tornadoes away from residential areas.

"We are taking advantage of Mother Nature's preference of house trailers as targets for tornadoes,", explained FEMA's newly named Director of Disaster Avoidance, Ray Brown. "By strategically deploying dozens of these unoccupied trailers near tornado-prone residential areas, we hope to divert future tornados away from houses and toward the trailers."

The announcement comes amid new revelations of the misuse of FEMA debit cards by evacuees on such things as football tickets, porn, a tropical vacation, and even a sex change operation.

Tornado experts are still divided on the soundness of the view that tornadoes are actually attracted by house trailers, an assumption critical to the success of the new 'tornado bait' program at FEMA. "While it is true that, proportionally, many more trailers are damaged by tornadoes than are houses, we have been unable to devise a physical theory for why trailers should attract tornadoes", claimed renowned tornado researcher Dorothy Fujita. "I suppose it might be some sort of magnetic attraction...you know, the physical kind..er..involving magnetic attraction to metal. But so far, that has only been speculation, with no firm supporting observations."

"It will probably take a few tornado seasons before we know how well the plan has worked", Mr. Brown said.

The uninhabited trailer parks will be set up to look as natural as possible, with trees, sidewalks, and roads. One Hollywood producer has already expressed interest in using one of the faux neighborhoods to film "The Twister Strikes Back", which is hoped to include film footage of a real tornado devastating a trailer park.

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