Al Gore Wins American Climate Idol Competition

(Los Angeles, California) While 200 million of the world's imperiled inhabitants watched last night, the two finalists in the American Climate Idol competition battled it out. Rachel Carson, perennial songbird with a flair for heart-wrenching ballads since her arrival on the eco-pop music scene in the 1960's, seemed to meet her match with the hot virtuoso performances provided by the former-next-President of the United States, Al Gore, Jr.

Both contestants have proven to be crowd pleasers, pouring their hearts and souls into their personal renditions of a variety of songs featuring environmental themes. Mr. Gore, despite a somewhat wooden performance, opened with Barry McGuire's 'Eve of Destruction'. His passion was sufficient to bring some in the crowd to their feet, chanting, "recount! recount!".

Gore's performance was quickly forgotten, however, with the technical expertise exhibited when Ms. Carson launched into Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'Free Bird'. She followed the song will a personal appeal to "save the birds", although there was some confusion in the audience over exactly what birds she was referring to.

Before his next performance, Mr. Gore gave a tearful account of his recent departure from the popular alternative rock band, "Presidents of the United States of America". Explaining that he is now touring as a solo performer, he then gave a solid performance of The Rolling Stones 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction'.

In a crowd-pleasing surprise, Mr. Gore was joined by music and backup vocals provided by the eco-rock group, 'Gaia's Gang'. After their performance, it was announced that the carbon dioxide produced from generation of the electricity that was used during the band's performance was offset with the recent planting of 1.5 trees in Costa Rica. The announcement was met with scattered applause and nods of approval from the audience.

An obviously nervous Rachel Carson tried to mimic Mr. Gore's crowd appeal with a short recounting of her own personal struggle parting with her previous bands (most recently, Poison) over personal differences concerning the widespread use of certain chemical substances. As a pall of herbal smoke hung heavy in the air, most in the crowd seemed unfazed by her emotional appeal.

The judges' reactions were, predictably, quite mixed. Randy said, "Dude, you da man!" referring to Al Gore's impassioned performance. A brightly smiling Paula swooned, offering to give Mr. Gore private voice lessons. Finally, Simon started, "Mr. Gore, that was possibly THE worst performance I have ever heard…", which was then quickly drowned out by shouts of disapproval from the audience.

But in the end, Al Gore emerged the victor. With over 66 million votes cast, more than any presidential candidate in an American election, Mr. Gore expressed great satisfaction with the win. "You know, most people don't realize I actually invented the hybrid car…"

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