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Breaking News: Tenth Bali Global Warming Conference Ends with Historic Agreement
Bali Global Warming Conference: 2027
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The tenth global warming conference in Bali (Bali-X) concluded
today with a new agreement to negotiate a roadmap
for future talks on eventually reducing greenhouse gas emissions. United Nations
delegates hailed the agreement as an historic step
to prevent future global warming.
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(Bali - Dec. 18, 2027) Twenty years after the first Bali global warming conference,
delegates from around the world attending the tenth Bali conference (Bali-X) today
put the finishing touches on a new agreement to negotiate future reductions in
manmade greenhouse gas emissions. According to all UN-certified scientists, those emissions are
predicted to once again cause global warming, just as was experienced thirty years ago.
The United Nations Earth Czar, Al Gore, hailed the Bali-X agreement as a critical
step in global efforts to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. "Today, we have continued
the long tradition of cooperation that has maintained agreements enabling negotiations
which provide a basis for future talks", announced His Excellency. "We have renewed
hope that the difficult, but historic, scientific consensus that was reached almost
twenty years ago will not have been in vain."
As in previous years, the U.N. conference was the target of some criticism for
neglecting mounting scientific evidence that climate change is a largely natural
phenomenon. A minority of non-UN-certified climate scientists once again pointed to global temperatures
that have continued their slow decline for the past thirty years.
All of these comments were made anonymously due to their
illegality under anti-green hate speech laws.
"Yes, global temperatures have fallen", admitted Mr. Gore in private, "but as we all know,
this spurious cooling trend will suddenly change to rapid warming…possibly as early as
next month. I am told by our UN scientists that we now have less than ten years to avert a global inferno
of cataclysmic proportions."
Once again, the Canadian delegation expressed some concern that the world's cooling
trend might not end soon enough. Pointing to the ice sheet in northern Canada
that has now survived through thirteen summers without melting, the Canadians warned
that some towns in the far north might have to be abandoned as the ice sheet continues its expansion southward.
Particularly hard hit by the advancing ice sheet have been the women and children of
environmentalist families that poured into the Northwest Territories from the United States
during the Great Green Exodus of 2008. The encroaching mass of ice has already destroyed
the coastal resorts that were prematurely built on the shores of the Arctic Ocean in anticipation of warming temperatures.
Frequently the target of the anti-green fringe, Mr. Gore once again was the subject of some
criticism for his carbon offset business, the value of which now exceeds $2 trillion.
Gore's acquisition of Google Inc. to form Google Green back in 2014 is still lamented by
some internet purists. Google Green advertisements continue to dominate websites around the
world with the familiar Google Green logo. Anti-green demonstrators were sometimes heard
outside the conference center chanting "Bring Back Coke", an obvious reference to Mr. Gore's
central role in coordinating the international ban on carbonated drinks in 2016.
Marring the Bali conference for the first time this year were thousands of arrests for
alleged anti-green hate speech crimes. Many conference observers expected this as the
inevitable result of last year's U.N. Global Court ruling that classified anti-green
rhetoric in public as a hate crime.
Despite the usual rough spots like those experienced at previous global warming conferences, most delegates
expressed optimism that the new agreement reached at Bali-X would eventually lead to large
reductions in carbon dioxide emissions.
As Mr. Gore boarded Green-1, the high efficiency
Boeing 797 hybrid jet (sporting a smaller version of the standard heated swimming pool),
he stated "We owe it to our children
and grandchildren to pass on to them an Earth free from human interference.
Today we have taken a giant first step in that direction."
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Breaking News: Tenth Bali Global Warming Conference Ends with Historic Agreement
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